Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
