Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
