At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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