i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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