Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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