Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize