im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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