epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
