I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
