how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
