I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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