I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
