I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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