I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
