Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
