Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
