He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm gonna fight the coyote
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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