Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
