I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
