If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
