just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
