you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wish my penis had a tongue
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
