i'm signing you up for texting rehab
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
