Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I didn't shave. On purpose
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
