the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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