and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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