im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
