I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
