I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
