Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
