So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
