dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
