Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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