I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
