Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
