So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
