I wish I could teleport
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
