Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize