Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
