Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i out mim tonsoeep
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