I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think I won the penis lottery.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
