you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
