I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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