im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
