Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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