i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
