i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fuck me I smell like cheese
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize