i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
