I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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