I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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