You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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