i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
