My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
