I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
