Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
