All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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