so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
