you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
