You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
