Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
