Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
