Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
look no pants
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
foreskin is a definite game changer
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
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