I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
