I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
