Plan B is the new Plan A
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
