I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
