They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
